A Smoldering Wick

It's easy for me to compare my Christian walk with others. I justify my lukewarm “Christian” actions by slapping them up against other believers who seem to have slid further downhill than I. Drastically opposite this mindset is the temptation to place myself aside great heroes of faith. This latter comparison does not last long, for it produces a quivering lip and hasty change of subject. Then follows a chiding of emotions for thinking I could ever match up to those who have graced God’s presence, such as Jesus’ twelve disciples or even non-Biblical characters like Amy Carmichael or John Hyde.

If I cannot come close to their lifestyles how far I must be from Jesus’ own life example! I dare not even venture into His presence. My filthy clothes reek of sin, my head hangs low in shame and my overall countenance is that of fear and timidity. I turn from His glorious face after receiving a hard slap of reality. How could I even imagine I can come close to living up to His standard? How could my foolish heart ever venture to hope that I would be able to be in the same room as this righteous King, much less stand at His side? I stumble through my prayers pitifully, I am often forgetful of praising and my focus is constantly pointed toward myself instead of Him or others; I am spotted and speckled with sin.

God recognizes this helpless state and blesses any who sincerely cry out to Him in anguish over their sinful condition. Psalm 145:19 says that God “will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him, He will also hear their cry and will save them”. The word “cry” is translated as a plea for help, a call of desperation. There is another word for cry that is a little different. This describes a prayer taken from the depths of ones being and is usually triggered by fear. When the disciples saw Jesus walking on the water “they were terrified…and they cried out in fear”. The same word was used by a blind man who recognized Jesus as His only hope both for his spiritual eyes and his physical ones. “Many were sternly telling him [the blind man] to be quiet, but he kept crying out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” (Mark 10:48).

This kind of cry spoken of in the Bible is not masked by pride or tinted by self-promotion. It cannot be silenced by mere men because it knows there is only one cure for its condition and will not stop until it has grasped it. It seeks the cure not until it gets tired, depressed, sad or lonely but until it finds.

The author of the book “Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire” said, “When we seek God, He will bless us. But when we stop seeking Him …all bets are off, no matter who we are”.  For all humans it is impossible to maintain this lifestyle requiring constant spiritual energy to dig deeper. We are as helpless as infants. This is when we cry out to our heavenly Father in desperation – for He is our only cure.  

Oh how I long to consistently be seeking God in all manner of living! However, my passion for God is is barely kindled and I still stand so far away from the woman He wants me to be. In His grace God has promised that in spite of my weakness, “a smoldering wick He will not snuff out” (Isaiah 42:3). 

Sin can appear to be harmless but in reality produces death. I must understand this plight I have brought upon myself  and embrace my true state of hopelessness in order to see how much I need God. Only then can I truly pray for help from the depths of my soul. Instead of dwelling in shame I need to be faithful in crying out, trusting that God alone has the power to turn my smoldering wick into a blaze fit for His Kingdom.